Published: 12/4/2024

Let’s explore Loving Leadership in parenting.

Of course, leading lovingly during calm moments is more straightforward than during chaos.

Stress can trigger reactions we need for survival, and we’ve unconsciously learned in our formative years by watching adults.

Still, we can now consciously choose to respond helpfully or repair unhelpful behaviors.

Loving Leadership in parenting starts within us through self-awareness and self-care.

When parents remain connected in tough times, it teaches children that storms and turbulence are part of life and reassures them that they are safely loved throughout.

Children feel anxious if they think they are burdensome, which can push them into roles they aren’t ready for.

Think of a ship captain or a pilot navigating turbulence; they don’t blame worried passengers or ask the passengers to take over but instead, connect and reassure them.

Parents who confidently comfort their kids during uncertainty enable them to rest in their childhood and grow into secure, supportive adults.

Experts like Gordon Neufeld and Dr. Deborah MacNamara highlight that a lack of loving leadership in parenting may result in children instinctively assuming the ‘alpha child’ role. This is often rooted in anxiety, although it may present as bossiness and “strong-willed” behavior. 

Transitions, like new environments, too much separation, and too much woundedness, can activate this need for control.

Alpha child behavior is especially noted in highly sensitive children, given that they experience emotions more deeply and have greater receptivity.

Loving leadership can help children rest in their roles and allow adults to take up their roles.

This may look like:

Providing safety and support when facing challenges.

Consistently meeting children's needs helps them feel safer and braver when parents cannot meet all of them.

Sharing age-appropriate information about our emotional state shows children that it’s normal for adults to have feelings while not burdening them with responsibility. We can show children that they aren't responsible for adults' feelings; adults are and know how to mention and manage them.

Being a leader involves protecting one another and ensuring each member's rights while making healthy and sometimes unpopular choices for those in our care.

Sometimes, it feels difficult when our kids are upset because we have said no to more sweets, spenders, sleepovers, or screen time.

Learning to tolerate uncomfortable emotions is crucial to developing impulse control and emotional intelligence.

Being patient with your children and yourself is crucial in parenting. Mistakes are part of learning and healing, helping model accountability, love, and grace.

Strategies for Navigating Parenting Challenges

When you find yourself needing to step into Loving Leadership but you're feeling anxious or overwhelmed, try these strategies: **Pause, Breathe, and Connect.**

1. **Pause:** Take a moment before reacting, especially when things get chaotic. Acknowledging your feelings—whether overwhelmed, frustrated, scared, or tired—helps. Validating your experience can make a big difference in developing greater emotional capacity.

2. **Breathe:** Take a deep breath! It’s an easy way to slow down in challenging moments and prove to your body that you're safe. Remember, when a child struggles, they aren’t trying to make things difficult for you or ruin everyone's time. They struggle to manage their emotions and experiences without a fully developed brain. Looking at the situation from a different perspective can help you respond lovingly.

3. **Connect:** Show your child that you understand the situation is challenging. Phrases like, “This is hard, and I see we’re both upset. You might be feeling overwhelmed too, but I want you to know I’m here to listen to your upset” can create a real connection. Suggesting soothing activities, like a hug, reading a story, or walking, can help shift the emotional atmosphere.

Remember to take breaks when needed, whether making a cup of tea or stepping outside for a minute. Teaching your children the importance of self-care is an excellent lesson.

Make sure to communicate that you’re all in this together as a family, navigating life’s challenges side by side, with you at the helm or cockpit when things get turbulent!!!