Published: 11/20/2024

Are you a devoted parent, partner, or friend who strives to respond with attunement but sometimes reacts with anger or anxiety?

Same here!

It's completely human to experience a stress response to overwhelming emotions or situations. Each of us has our own way of navigating these challenges, and I would love to hear about yours.

Here’s how I approach it:

**Taking Time to Check In:**

**Body, Heart, Mind Synergy:**

**Body:** I notice my nervous system is activated, which signals that I need to slow down. I take a moment to breathe, stretch, and find my inner anchor.

**Heart:** My feelings and needs are important. I acknowledge and validate them like a wise, loving parent would.

**Mind:** Can I approach this situation with curiosity? What is my intention? What do I believe? Is that belief true? How can I model the behavior I want to teach?

**All Three Harmonized:** I know I can achieve anything!

Together, we can identify what we both need to feel safe in our bodies and brave in our hearts. This allows us to use our brilliant minds to solve problems!

Another way to say this is:

The brain can be rewired, and the nervous system reprogrammed—one moment at a time.

Did you know the heart sends more information to the brain than the brain sends to the heart? Each deep, compassionate breath and loving connection gradually calms the nervous system and the brain.

When we find an attuned listener and breathe in compassionate, loving thoughts for ourselves and our loved ones, while breathing out fear and judgment, we support our bodies in healing.

✨Our first reaction usually comes from our bodies—in an autonomic way—meaning our nervous systems activate survival responses when detecting a threat, whether real or perceived.

✨Our second response arises when our heart and mind are harmonized—this is the authentic response. It allows our executive selves to choose intentional reactions based on our values.

When we react, we have an opportunity to take responsibility, repair the situation, and replay it in a healthier way.

🌞The more we practice choosing this second response, the more it becomes our first response, helping us to become less reactive.

**The R’s for Repair:**

1. **Recognize Reaction**

2. **Repair with Self or Others**

3. **Respond with Loving Listening and/or Respectful Requests**

Recognize that we have said or done something from a reactive state. Reconnect to ourselves by placing a hand on our heart and breathing more intentionally. Soften our face and shoulders, and stand up straight. Then, repairthe situation with our people. Respond with loving listening, respectful requests, or problem-solving strategies.

**What this may sound like:**

For example:

- Recognize: “Wow, I am being reactive. I forgot to slow down and breathe.”

- Reconnect: “I need some water and a few minutes. I’ll be right back.”

- Repair: “I yelled at you, and I’m sorry. You didn’t deserve that.”

- Respond: Listen to the feelings and validate the experience.

- Respectful Request: “Would you help me clean up?”

- Problem Solving: “Should we draw straws, or do you have an idea?”

The last three R's can be done in any order, and you might find your own unique way of handling them.

**Self-Affirmations and Reminders:**

- I am gentle enough to show compassion and strong enough to hold boundaries.

- I don’t need my children to be calm and cooperative for me to be calm.

- When I accidentally react in anger, I can apologize. When my children accidentally react in anger, I can show them the grace and trust that I hope to receive. This models the idea that it is safe to take responsibility for our mistakes and repair ruptures.

- When I feel anxious, I can take a pause to reassure my body that it is safe.

If you try this approach, I would love to know which part you found helpful.

Here’s to us navigating our completely human experiences!

Remember, you are always a good person, even when you’re not feeling great. 🌟